No matter which way you slice it, sex is tricky. Even outside of worrying about unwanted pregnancies or STIs, getting two people on the same page (or, if you’re into that, three people) about their desires, their wills, their won’ts, their cant’s, and their many shades of maybes can be incredibly tricky.

If you’re all about open sexual communication, great! Congrats to you. But it’s fair to say that many people still struggle to talk openly and honestly about what exactly they want in bed — and women are often the ones who struggle with this the hardest, since they’re often taught not to be too sexual or not to express their sexual desires for fear of seeming promiscuous.

It’s not that asking for what you really want in bed is hard. But most women would agree that the the timing for having that kind of conversation with their guy never seems to feel right.

For example, if you ask for what you want right in the middle of the action, you risk throwing everything off. What if your partner’s not into it? Or… toointo it? Or simply doesn’t know how to do what you want the right way?

But bringing up something that you want to try right after you’ve done the deed makes it seem like you didn’t enjoy the sex that just went down. Which is often not the case.

And bringing it up out of nowhere can seem forced, or awkward, and make it seem like you’re making demands. Basically, any given moment can be open to scrutiny. So many women choose to keep their secret bedroom desires on the down-low.

That’s not to say necessarily that there’s a world of sex moves, positions or fantasies that your partner has that she isn’t telling you.

It’s just that there are certain things many women really want in bed that aren’t common knowledge and, for most guys, unless you ask her outright, these things usually won’t come up.

How are you supposed to know what she wants if she’s too shy to speak up about it? Since you’re not a mind reader, we did some digging to get to the bottom of what women really want in bed (that they don’t always vocalize).

Here’s what the experts (and a few real women) have to say about the moves, sex positions and sex toys she might be secretly hoping you’ll incorporate into your bedroom routine.